Parenting Tips and Advice

5 Ways To Look After Yourself Etc.

1.  Take A Stress Check
Make an agreement with a close friend to check your stress levels regularly. Agree to watch each other’s children when you need a break.

2.  Say “Yes” To No
Give your children permission to say “no” to anyone who asks them to do something they know or feel is wrong. Teach them to say “no” firmly and loudly, then to go tell another adult.

3.  Private Time
Give your children a place to be alone and call their own. Respect their privacy, particularly their physical privacy.

4.  Teach Respect
Teach your children to respect the rights, bodies and properties of other people.

5.  Ask Yourself
Take an honest look in the mirror and ask yourself: Are you in constant battle with your kids? Do you find yourself wanting to hit your children? Do you think your children are “winding you up” to spite you? If so, talk with someone before these feelings get the better of you. Call a friend or relative and/or seek professional help from Social Services, the NSPCC or your GP. Help is available so use it! Positively you are showing that you care about the relationship with your child.

6 Ways To Improve Behaviour And Give Your Child Self-Confidence

1.  Show That You Care
Say “I love you” and “You’re important and special to me.” Praise talents. Don’t use sarcasm or kidding to point out weaknesses. Be positive and encouraging. Reward good behaviour and have FUN- these POSITIVE parenting strategies are the most effective in teaching children to be well behaved! Never ignore good behaviour as there is then no incentive for your child to repeat it.

2.  A Hug A Day
Kids need to feel your affection through positive physical touch by hand holding, an arm around the shoulder or a simple hug.

3.  Quality Time Is Quantity Time
Caring and being close is about making time so do more with your child.  Spend more time doing things your child enjoys. Turn off the television.
Do activities as a family.

4.  Take Their Place
Put yourself in your child’s place and ask:
“Is what I’ve said or done building my child up or putting my child down?”
“Is what I’ve said or done really for my needs or the needs of my child?”

5.  Go With Your Gut Feeling
If someone or something makes you feel uncomfortable, go with your gut feeling. Teach your children to trust their instincts too, by listening to them and respecting what they feel.

6.  Reward And Reward Again
Encourage good behaviour by rewarding it as soon as possible after it has occurred. Reward frequently and in small amounts. The most effective reward is your time and positive attention. Praise, smile and say why you are pleased. For very good behaviour use treats such as sweets and going to the park. To provide an incentive, a reward should be earned rather than just given.

The basic philosophy of these articles is that caring for children is one of the most responsible and difficult things you will ever do in your life - yet there is very little practical help and advice on how to do it.  In a small way it is hoped that the articles can begin to fill a massive gap. The information and parenting tips have been developed from material produced by the KidsPeace Corporation,
Bethlehem, PA 18015, USA.

9 Ways To Positively Cope With  Difficult Behaviour
1.  Establish House Rules
Make simple rules for your child. Start with a few “things we do and don’t do.” Discuss them with your child.

2.  Prevention Is Better Than Cure
If you feel that your child’s behaviour is beginning to get out of control, “nip it in the bud” by distracting your child’s attention onto a positive activity or game.

3.  Understand Your Child’s Behaviour
Define simply and clearly any difficult behaviour. Keep a diary of what led up to the behaviour and what immediately followed it. From this, see if there is a pattern. What are the triggers and consequences which might be keeping the behaviour going? What are the “pay-offs” to your child - are you giving the behaviour a lot of attention and “giving in for a quiet life”? DON’T blame yourself but work at changing your responses.

4.  Discipline With Short Time-Outs
Try to view discipline in a different way e.g. if a rule is broken, discipline with a time out a short, quiet time alone, without play. Alternatively ignore minor behaviour difficulties as your attention will often inadvertently encourage the very behaviour you want to stop.

5.  Take Five
When tensions and anger rise in you or your child take five. Take five minutes to cool down and to ask yourself, “Why am I getting so angry?” Try to identify the real problem, then find the  solution.

6.  Never Strike In Anger
Research has shown that hitting your child does not help, and can do more damage. Try to avoid striking your child in anger. Smacking is not effective in reducing poor behaviour, as it does not teach children good behaviour.

7.  No Yelling Allowed
Words hurt, too. Try to avoid yelling at your children in anger. Do not put down your children. If they break a rule, tell them what they did wrong and why that makes you angry. Be angry at what they did, NOT at who they are.

8.  Get Away
When you feel frustrated, angry or overwhelmed, let your feelings out safely away from your children. Call a friend over or leave your children with someone trustworthy. Get out. Exercise. Do not stay alone with your children when you are overwhelmed. Get help and support.

9.  Call The Helpline (UK Only)
If things are getting on top of you call Parentline (01703 694013) or the FREE NSPCC Helpline (0800 800500) for practical advice and support. They will always offer a listening ear.

4 Ways To Give Your Child Trust

1.  Be There
Let your child talk. What was their day like? Ask, “How did that make you feel?” Allow your child to openly express ideas, feelings and worries. Listen. Do not lecture. Be available. Encourage your child to express feelings creatively by keeping a diary or drawing

2.  Be Consistent
Establish a reliable routine. A clear and consistent routine helps a child feel safe and secure. Clear-cut rules help a child learn what is right and wrong. Be consistent!

3.  Let Your “No” Be No
If you say “no” to your child, make sure you both understand what that means and keep to the rule. Then act quickly (seconds), firmly and safely when it is challenged. Carry out any threatened punishment. Do not yell. Your child wants to know that your “no” means no.

4.  No Secrets
Tell your child it is never good to keep a secret that feels bad or confusing.

Understanding Your Child’s Behaviour!

In order to understand why your child is misbehaving it is extremely useful to keep a diary:

• Identify one behaviour that you would like to change.  Be as specific as you can e.g. wont do as s/he is told, hitting, demands things, whines. Write the behaviour down.
  

• When the behaviour occurs, write down what led immediately up to it (triggers) and what  happened afterwards (consequences)?  Also record how you behave and  feel?  Please use (print) the form if this is helpful.
  

• After a week try to see if there is a pattern to the behaviour.  When is it occurring (times, situations)?  Who is  it occurring with?  What  are the triggers?  What  are the consequences or “pay-offs” for your  child?  Often this is related to getting attention, “winding-up”, getting their own way (”giving in for a quiet life”).     
  

• Ask yourself what is my child learning from the way I respond to the behaviour?  Am I setting limits and boundaries consistently ?
  Once you have a clear picture you are ready to change the pattern by changing the triggers and consequences.  You may have to try and ignore certain behaviour, try not to give in, remove certain privileges, look and sound as if you mean it when asking you child to do something.  Most importantly concentrate on encouraging and rewarding good behaviour!

   

 

 

 

As it is, I am new to the parents blog, but am definitely not new to parenting or to families.com. I’m Nicole Humphrey, and I am the new parents writer and will be dedicated mostly to the topics of blended families and single parenting in this blog. I’m pretty excited to embark on these topics here at families and thought I should take a moment to introduce myself

I am the proud (and somewhat frazzled) mother of five children. Two are mine, three are his - which makes seven of us living our life in a never-ending blender (and a house that really isn’t big enough for seven people - we’re working on that). It is my hope to share my experiences with you, provide tips and advice and hopefully learn something from some of you who might be going through the same things.

Our situation is a little bit different than a lot of blended families, in that we have custody of all five of our children who live with us full-time. They do see their opposite parent, but not as often as typical.

I have a son and daughter biologically. They are 14 (boy) and 10 (girl). They were seven and eleven when we decided to blend our families. His children are currently 9, 11 and 14 - all daughters. To make it easier, they were six, eight and eleven when we became a blended family.

The dynamics of our blended family have provided me plenty of opportunities to do public speaking engagements, write articles and provide advice for other families. They have also caused me to take a deeper look at many aspects of regular parenting and see how they work and don’t work within our blender (essentially to keep me sane, but also to actually figure things out). I am especially interested in birth order and how it affects a child in a typical two family home, as well as the changes that occur upon blending. I hope to share these things with you.

The one thing that has been hard for me to swallow for the past several years, is that most people complain that Blended Families are difficult, and tend to be dysfunctional. Could that be any more generalized? I disagree whole-heartedly. Like any family, a blended family takes work and commitment, loads of love and patience, and the general desire to want things to be good. I hope I can shed some insight, dispel some myths and just generally share experiences both good, bad and indifferent with you - to make your lives just a bit easier.

If there is ever anything you would like to see, please contact me and ask. I’m happy to help when I can.